1. Lie:The parade is only a mile long -- mile and a half, tops.

Truth: Can you say Boston Marathon? With two heartbreak hills? The worst part is the constant stops and starts. And who brought in the cavalry? There must be three dozen prune eating palominos in the division ahead of us.

2. The bus is leaving at 9 o'clock sharp! So you believed it and set your alarm for 4:15, so as to get to the meeting point on time and not inconvenience the other members. Don't you wish they thought so much of you. The bus pulls out at 10:15.

3. There will be bathroom facilities. If you call "behind a tree" bathroom facilities. H'mm, I'll take the oak, you take the spruce.

4. We expect a huge crowd. Fifty-four people, counting the two drunken rednecks who thought they were going to a tractor pull.

5. We deserved to win. The judges were prejudiced! Just like the other groups of judges that we met in the previous 12 competitions, in which we finished sixth.

6. Don't worry about that error. No one noticed. Except the three people in the front row that fainted, and the judge that almost lost his lunch. Just be thankful the show wasn't being recorded.

7. Our busses will be air-conditioned. If you are lucky enough to get a window that isn't stuck shut!